Your Pain Scale

Do you ever feel like your reaction to someone or something doesn't match someone else's? Have you ever doubted your capacity to empathize or relate to someone's pain? Join us as we explore why this is and how it's not a terrible thing or an indicator of your character.

Hey, friends. This is Cherese Lee and you're listening to the Just Waiting for You podcast. Whether the sun is shining where you are in life today, or you're walking through a crappy storm and you really wish you got some rain boots. The power of a story is sometimes all you need for that perspective shift. Hang out with us for a few minutes and find out what happens when you realize that someone is just waiting for you.

It's a story. It's just a story. So recently, my son Luke had surgery. He'd been having a lot of issues for a couple of years, and they finally decided to go in and do surgery around his cochlear implant to try to figure out what was going on. So, I get the call in the waiting room that I can head back there and be with him - that he's starting to wake up.

I get to the bedside and he's of course all bandaged up. And I'm stroking his head and he looks pretty peaceful. He's just in and out looking over at me. And the nurse comes to the bedside and gives me an update on what they did and how it went. And he said, “his pain is just at a five, so that's good”.

My head spun around. I'm sure my eyes were big as quarters and that poor PACU nurse looks at me like, “what did I say?” And I'm thinking to myself, “Okay, I know you have this pain scale, right? Ten's the worst. Zero is no pain. But this kid has been through a dozen surgeries”.

“When he was a toddler, they used to put a needle in his head to drain things, and he would giggle. He would actually giggle. He had a horrible headache every day for two years and no one knew it. Like if his pain is at a five and ten is the worse, he is in a lot of pain”. But instead, I just said, “oh, that's actually really high for Luke”, because he didn't know. He was just going on the information that he had and the scale that he used every day.

It doesn't just apply to physical pain, right? Emotional pain is the same way. I was talking to a friend, and she asked me, “Do you think I'm insensitive?” Like, You? No! Why on earth would you say that? You're such a compassionate person! She was like, “I don't know. I just feel like I come across that way sometimes. Like a friend will come to me and they'll tell me a story about something that's really upsetting them or a problem they're facing”.

“And I think they're expecting one reaction from me, or maybe they are needing a big reaction at that time, and I don't give it and it makes me seem like I don't care”. And I said, “you know, actually, I don't think that's what it is at all. I think you just have a different pain scale, right? So, you had this completely different upbringing than they had, right? - probably.”

“You were raised in a family where you lost loved ones early on. You understood what that was like. Your family had a child with a disability, so you had to grow up really early and take on responsibilities. And you had a parent with cancer, and you walked that with them. So, it kind of takes a lot to touch your pain spot emotionally because you're pretty tough.”

“That's not good. It's not bad. It just is what it is, right? So maybe next time you're feeling that, maybe instead you could just explain to the person like, “I'm sorry, I just have a different trigger point. Tell me what you need. Where are you on the pain scale with this?” Maybe the conversation could go that way.

That's the thing. We all just need someone to address our pain even when we can't give the full history because we're still groggy and bandaged, whether that be metaphorically or physically. Instead, we just want to be seen for where we are and how it feels in that moment. What if we just became more aware of the richness of the numbers of the pain scale - what they brought us?

What if we also understood that sometimes we are being blindsided for the first time, no matter where we've been on the scale before? Let's be soft enough on ourselves to ask for help when our number is lower than what we think it should be to trigger a response. And let's also give grace to other people who get triggered really easily.

I mean, sure, pain makes you beautiful, but what if it also made us wise?

Thanks for joining us. I hope you allow yourself to feel the things today and then have the courage to ask, “But what if it looks like this?”

Go forth and show up for life my friends. Someone is just waiting for you.