Not What You Need

Cherese shares (with their permission) a big lesson that her middle school girls recently taught her. What if it’s not about us?! 

Hey, friends, this is Cherese Lee, and you're listening to the Just Waiting for You podcast. Whether the sun is shining where you are in life today, or you're walking through a crappy storm and you really wish you got some rain boots. The power of a story is sometimes all you need for that perspective shift. Hang out with us for a few minutes and find out what happens when you realize that someone is just waiting for you.

It's a story. It's just a story. This year my twin girls started middle school, and while it's not my first rodeo considering the girls are kids number four and five for us, they're different, they're supposed to be. One of our girls has decided to try the world of middle school sports. Now something you need to know about the Lee’s and athletics-we are what some would call dabblers.

We like to dabble in lots of different sports. I wouldn't say that we are genetically predisposed to be Olympians by any stretch. We love to play outside. We love to be active. We can throw a mean ultimate Frisbee. As you know, we love to get up on the mountain on our bikes.

Sports are just a way for us to have fun and get out some competitive nature. But we've never been those super serious sports families. So, when one of our girls came home and said she wanted to try out for one of the middle school teams, we were excited for her and also wanted to make sure she was going into it with open and realistic eyes.

None were more concerned than her twin sister. So, tryouts last pretty much, you know, a whole week or several days. And she's going through the workouts. And one evening, I'm in the kitchen working on dinner and the girls are in the kitchen as well, moving about, doing homework, getting things ready for the day, and the non-trying out sister says to the other.

How are tryouts going? And she responds and says, “pretty good, pretty good. You know, everyone has obviously played a lot more than I have.” And her sister said, “oh, you mean like travel sports?” And she says, “Yeah, they all seem to know each other and they're all obviously teammates or have done this for a while.” And the concerned sister says, “are you worried about that? Are you sure you want to go through with this knowing that those girls have had a lot more training in a lot more intense setting for longer?”

Now, I'm going to pause there for a second and tell you that I have my back to the girls at this point. I'm over in the refrigerator looking for something and decide to keep my butt in that position while this plays out, because something that I have learned in five kids is that my input is not always needed and also my input sometimes can negatively change the conversation.

So, I let this go and the one trying out says, “Yeah, I have thought about that, but it's not really about me. If I'm what the coach needs on his team right now, then he'll put me on his team. If what I have to offer isn't what his team needs right now, then he won't.”

And that, ladies, and gentlemen, is why you keep your mouth shut. Because sometimes 11-year-olds see the world a lot more clearly than we do. Spoiler. She didn't make the team. Did it make that result any easier to take? Not really. Not in the moment, but in the big picture. Absolutely. We got our tub of ice cream. We ate it. We came up with a game plan. She ended up playing that sport for another league and has had a blast.

But more importantly, I think she taught herself a great lesson. But absolutely, she taught me and her sister. How many times in life have I and do I continue to make it all about me, make it so incredibly personal, that man, it cuts deep. Maybe it isn't about me at all most of the time.

It could be about a friendship. For some of you, it could be about a romantic relationship. Could be about a job, a volunteer position. Really anything. If I'm what that person needs right now, they'll choose me. They'll ask me to fill that spot, to fill that void. If they already have that on their roster, on their team, in their employees, in their life, well, they don't need that right now.

And that has nothing to do with me. I suppose, in some ways. That could even be seen as discouraging that we would show up with these incredible gifts. And the person on the other side wouldn't recognize that. And that's true. I suppose that's a risk we run. But we'll never know unless we show up. Unless we go to that tryout, lace up our shoes alongside the girls that have been playing and travel tournaments for years.

Try for that job that is a reach. Sure. Whatever the case may be, the person on the other side might not yet know what it is that their team is missing until they see you. We can't change that. We can't control it. We can continue to put ourselves out there, be generous to the world with the gifts that we do have to offer, because we are certainly going to bump into someone who's just waiting for us.

In the meantime, let's keep playing just for the joy of it, just for the fun of it, just for us.

Thanks for joining us. I hope you allow yourself to feel the things today and then have the courage to ask “But what if I look like this?” Go forth and show up for life, my friends. Someone is just waiting for you.